Not to have control over the senses is like sailing in a rudderless ship, bound to break to pieces on coming in contact with the very first rock. -Mahatma Gandhi
Many of us worry about things that are out of our control yet sometimes we are consumed with worrying so much that we can’t function properly or worse we become physically sick!
What can we do to overcome this obstacle?
Start by taking control and deciding when we will worry. *Create a “worry period.” Choose a set time and place for worrying. It should be the same every day (e.g. In the living room from 5:00 to 5:20 p.m.) and early enough that it won’t make you anxious right before bedtime. During your worry period, you’re allowed to worry about whatever’s on your mind. The rest of the day, however, is a worry-free zone.
Postpone your worry. If an anxious thought or worry comes into your head during the day, make a brief note of it on paper and postpone it to your worry period. Remind yourself that you’ll have time to think about it later, so there’s no need to worry about it right now. Save it for later and continue to go about your day.
Write down your worries during your “worry period” Go over your “worry list” during the worry period. Reflect on the worries you wrote down during the day. If the thoughts are still bothering you, allow yourself to worry about them, but only for the amount of time you’ve specified for your worry period. If the worries don’t seem important any more, cut your worry period short and enjoy the rest of your day.”
Hmm, this makes sense. Doesn’t it? No worrying for me except during my specified “worry period.”
Ok, I am going to give it a try and write down my worries on my “worry list and share with you some of my worries:
I never worried like I worry now that I have kids. I seem to be much more anxious!
Is this healthy? I have a 14 year old daughter that responds to every question with “that’s the way I roll.” Oh, oh…is she destined to get in trouble? Does anybody worry that their children will be permanently scarred by some traumatic incident? Maybe an accident or some violent action that my child witnesses.
I hear about an innocent child that was abused and it saddens me deeply…is this normal? If my child is going to a friends house, should I worry that some creep is lurking? Should I worry about my child’s future…in this world? Will my children have enough money for college? The economy….who is our next president going to be?
There you have it I shared some worries with you. Whew! Thank you for letting me rant and I will try to block out worry thoughts until my next worry period. Obviously it will take time and practice to get results. My rant is done and I have control!
Now if you never worry, ignore my rant!
Looking at this puts a twist on things——>http://www.globalrichlist.com/
*Source HelpGuide.org
61 users commented in " Worrying – Control it "
Follow-up comment rss or Leave a TrackbackYikes..this is me all around! Gonna try this..’controlling’ it.. nice post Mark!
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@LindaM, Thanks for your feedback Linda!
I love this advice! I am a major worrier and since my husband is gone a lot, I don’t have him around to vent to. It always helps me to vent my worries to someone, so lately I have been venting to my notebook.
Just like you suggested, I write down ALL of my worries on… sometimes I write down so many, that I feel like I am throwing up on paper! Sounds weird, but it’s my analogy. I get it all out, and amazingly, it always seems to put things into perspective or at least helps me not worry about them as much throughout the day. It has become such a healthy habit for me, that I do it almost every day now. Great article!
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@Liz, Great analogy! Looks like you have a grasp on it! thanks for sharing!
oh, this describes me as well! I worry 24/7 about the strangest things. I am definitely going to try your suggestion about setting aside a specific time.
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@workout mommy, Taking control of our worries is only a good thing for our families and us!
Worry can become all-consuming if we let it. This sure seems like a good way to deal with our worries and then move on. Having children does change things. I worry when they are not home when expected. I worry when the weather is bad outside. Come to think of it, a lot of my worries are centered around my family… I’ll give this process a shot Mark – thanks!
@Lance, I agree, the family is the biggest part of our lives and we tend to worry about so much when it comes to our families! Thanks for your feedback Lance!
Super idea, Mark. In a similar vein, the first thing I do when i wake up is think (I’ve been doing this since I was a kid in high school) what I am most excited, and anxious about, for the day. It helps to put everything in perspective. I am struggling now with a broken friendship, so that’s my main worry. What excites me? LIFE!
@Joe Girl, Fantastic tips…thank you!
This article was an excellent reminder for me, Mark! If only I had written down what I was worrying/anxious about during the last few weeks I might have gotten back on track with my goals sooner. Writing things down has always worked for me, but I was being stubborn. I have specific notebooks for different topics that I write in (relationships, career, life goals); sometimes my anxieties, my to do’s for that topic, letters to myself or other people (that never get sent, but help me express my feelings). A lot of times, just by putting the thought on paper, it takes it out of the chaos of my mind and makes me feel better even though the issue isn’t solved.
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@Anya, That is fantastic that you have notebooks for various topics….well done!Thank you for sharing!
I would argue, based on my experience, that the things we worry about are the things not necessarily within our control…especially when it comes to family.
So my question becomes: is controlling our worry possible? Does it create even more worry?
What we can do is take our worry and create a plan around it. The things we worry about are future oriented, and when you get down to it, not necessarily real.
I have a blog post stirring on this topic, I just have to find the time to write it!
@Stacey, I am not sure if controlling it creates more worry? I do know that I worry far to often and that it becomes an unnecessary hindrance for me personally. Is it fair to my family and friends that my mind is preoccupied with worrisome thoughts? For me the plan is to set aside a specific time and see if it works. Great question! I look forward to your post!
I think those are all legitimate worries, and I share a few of them with you.
I don’t think controlling worry is really possible, but you CAN control how you let it manifest in your life. I think your rant idea is great – sit down for 20 minutes and let your mind wonder to all your worries. Write them down, and then close the book and walk away. I do this and it helps me relax.
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@Anna, Great point! “Control how you let it manifest your life” Thank you for sharing!
I am so with you. I love the idea of setting aside a worrying time. Im going to try it because my method of worrying all the time is not working for me at all.
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@Suzie, Good for you and good luck!
Good luck with this one! From what I’ve observed, obsessive worriers don’t change.
It’s almost like their brain likes to worry, even though it’s damaging to them, they find it comforting
@Dr. J, I have seen many people take control of negative issues in their lives. I would hope that people don’t just accept the fact they are destined to have such a huge burden on their lives forever. The glass is half full vs. half empty, take control and make some positive strides! Why just sit and do nothing? Thanks for your feedback!
Mark – this is great. Definitely worth a shot for sure. I like the idea of compartmentalizing this one….
@Miz Liz, give it a shot!
I’ve never considered the idea of having a designated time for worrying. But it certainly frees up all that other time that would otherwise be spent on worrying! And the idea of it is so funny and kinda silly that it might even make you realize that there’s no reason to worry in the first place.
I used to worry a lot right before I went to bed, because my mind would be empty of all other things. But that’s terrible for getting to sleep. It’s better to think of GOOD things while you’re lying in bed!
@Sagan, Great feedback! Thank you!
Great post! I’m already putting it into play. Although the day to day worries keep trying to creep back in, with practice, they’ll wait until the proper time. Regarding children and the evil elements out here, that worry stays constantly on the mind.
@DaDivaStreet, Nice to see you are on it! Our children…of course. Thanks for sharing!
That’s an interesting idea about having a designated “worry period,” but I’m not sure I’d like to have a specific time that was set aside for worrying. I think I’d feel like I’d HAVE to find something to worry about, even if I wasn’t worried! It might make me worry about something that I wouldn’t otherwise have worried about!
@Zandria, Good feedback…thank you!
See instead of letting myself dwell on the worry, I acknowledge it, then release it. I find if I sit and analyze it only make it worse for me. Instead I do my best to focus on it’s opposite.
For instance I have been really struggling with not knowing where my husband’s promotion may take us. Instead of dwelling on the possibilities and unknowns, I focus on being content and settled where we are NOW and enjoying that we are in a good place, being hopeful that the future will bring bigger and better things!
As far as my children go, of course I worry, but passing on that worry to them does them a disservice, so instead I do my best to instill a positive outlook so that maybe they will NOT worry and be happy in the moment!
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@KD, I agree dwelling causes only more worries…A positive attitude…fantastic! Thank you for your input!
Great idea. I try to do this, especially not having it before bed or not doing anxiety prone things before bed. I doesn’t work well unless you are dilligent about focusing on it at that time. I tend to skip and forget then it creaps back in.
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@Diana’s Body Journey, So, consistency is the key it seems…good point! Thanks!
Most excellent advice! I’m a known worrier GAH!
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@Marcy, Thanks Marcy!
I Scarlett O’Hara. “I’ll think about it tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day!”
Great post!
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@Mama Zen, tomorrow is another day..indeed!
Organized worry. I like it
I’m a worrier 24/7, it would be nice to break it up.
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@Momisodes, yes, worrying doesn’t deserve so much energy!
Have you heard of Guatemalan worry dolls? You get a box with six tiny worry dolls, you tell your worries to the dolls, and then you let them handle it
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@Marelisa, I have not heard of these…I suppose the whole point is letting it out? Great idea! Thanks for sharing!
Very timely – saw on the news that something like 80% of Americans are stressed and worried due to the economy. *sigh* Am trying not to let it get me down!
@Missicat, The economy…yikes!
Great, timely post!
It cracks me up that your daughter answers everything with “that’s how I roll.” Such a teen!
As for Marelisa’s idea — right on! I had a box of those dolls when I was younger and I used to tell them my worries. I loved them.
I like Marelisa’s idea…very interesting!
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@Felice, Yup..that is how I roll!
As always, great post.
A great way to control the seemingly uncontrollable.
Worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair. It doesn’t matter how much you do it, or how long you do it, or how fast you do it.. it still gets you nowhere fast.
Have a great one my friend.
@Strong One, An unhealthy emotion indeed…thanks!
Great post! Years ago, I was the biggest worry wart. Until my BFF’s dad said to me, “stop worrying so much. If you can’t control it, then why worry, just hope for the best.” It has taken me years to practice this, years. As I go through a big career change, I remember his advise. I still worry, but keeping the faith helps.
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@Rosy, Great advice…thank you!
Who doesn’t worry? I don’t think you went overboard at all. But I do think that putting off worries until a certain time would turn me into a complete and utter basket case come 3 minutes before the time. In fact, I’m not sure how I could keep myself from worrying about worrying. Clearly I need help.
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@Jessica, It definitely is a challenge to be in control of our worries. Thanks much for your input!
Good idea Mark. Worry is a killer. You are right about those vague worries that nag you all the time. Address them and move on. It helps to get older and realize if something bad really happens, it’s probably not what you have been thinking about. Also helps not to watch the news.
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@Dr. Hubbard, Great points….thanks!
I actually do a pretty good job compartmentalizing my worries, but I think that’s easier said than done for some. It really is a bit of a skill – and a useful one at that. Thanks for the post, Mark.
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@cathy, great job!
Timely! I needed this. Focusing on what I can change and accepting what I can’t has been key. That took lots of practice.
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@Alexia, Good for you! Thanks!
This is really funny to me! Since I try to not even think about worrying. I know that if I let myself wallow in the realm of worrying, I’d be totally lost in it forever. I’m just happy to go through life each day with a thought in mind that everything will be OK and that our worries and cares will eventually take care of themselves and be done with it and leave me be!
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@Maricris, “I’m just happy to go through life each day with a thought in mind that everything will be OK and that our worries and cares will eventually take care of themselves and be done with it and leave me be! ” I like it! Thanks!
It’s a marvelous idea to get control of our worries. I worried too much that it affected my every day life. I’m going to practice it. Thank you so so much. I’m going to set a worried time and start some work to strengthen my spirits too!
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@Rosabel, We can try to make positive strides! thank you!
Mark,
As a father, I too worry about the same things and like you I have control over my worry. I worry but worry doesn’t paralyze me. I do like your idea of worry time.
@chris, As a parent in todays world worrying has become more common…..take control! Thanks for your feedback!
I think I have a normal, healthy amount of worry..generally about my kids…but nothing that consumes me. What jumped out at me was ‘set a worry period’. I did exactly that yesterday. My daughter’s boyfriend had a very important job interview, but phoned to say he couldn’t find the building. We got him back on track, but knew it was cutting it really close (he was writing a test). My poor daughter was almost in tears with worry, so I set a worry period for her. I told her that if he was not home in 30 minutes, it meant he made it on time and was allowed to write the test. For the first 30 minutes she could worry, and I would worry right along with her (and I did!). After 30 minutes, she smiled and asked “So, he’s alright?” I said “Yup.” And then we both got on with our day until he returned home with a big smile on his face.
@Urban Panther, Wow! What a fantastic story! Thank you for sharing….wonderful news!
We all know I’m a work in progress on the worry front, and this post has helped me to see why having a worry period might actually be helpful. I’ve heard of the idea before, but always thought it would be ineffective (for me). But when I read this:
If the worries don’t seem important any more, cut your worry period short and enjoy the rest of your day.
it actually made sense. A lot of times I get caught up in the moment and react quickly without thinking (and automatically resort to the worry mindset). So if I push it aside until the designated worry period, then when the time comes to actually “worry” about it, it probably won’t seem as bad since I’m removed from the situation.
Thanks for another great post, Mark!
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@RooBabs, Very good points! Thank you for your feedback!
Worry?
Who me?
I have NO IDEA what you are talking about.
I NEVER WORRY.
haha ha ha ha!!!!!!
Actually, worry is my middle name.
I worry but I also try to remember “what’s the worst possible scenario?” and think of the likelihood OF that scenario and that usually gets me back to focus.
Thanks for the tips about a “worry period.”
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@POD, Great idea…thanks!
I think this is a really neat tip you’ve shared-it does make sense to me-worry about it later. Having a reason to push worry out of your mind always helps-if you set aside a time-there’d always be a reason to push it out.
I too worry about my kids and all the things that effect them.
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@Tipper, It is tough to control it…especially with kids.
Remember how I was going to write in a journal? Well, I’m going to write my worries there too! It so helps!
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@Girl on Top, Fantastic!
I need to stop worrying late at night! It keeps me up for HOURS!
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@Munchkins and Music, Hard to sleep when we worry…
That was some fabulous advice.
The only way I can stop my obsessive worrying is by taking prescription medications!
(or drinking heavily!)
These ideas are MUCH healthier!
@meleah rebeccah, Give it a try!
Wow..this was great. I am a big worry person. I have a teenage son also 14. I worry about everything you mentioned above. It is tough world out there for them. I just try to focus on communication and keeping him busy. I also have a 8 year old but the worry is nothing compared to my oldest.
This is some great advice. I am been trying to practice this each afternoon in my “garden time.” I think it has helped calm me. Rather than pushing the worry away for another time…I just deal with it head on.
Thank you for sharing.
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@Tammy, “garden time” great idea!
My husband always says why worry, it doesn’t solve any problems. It just makes you stressed and unhappy. He says just take care of the problem and don’t worry about it. I guess if worrying solved problems, I would be the biggest worry wart. I try not to worry too much! Great post!
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@Talli, Thanks Talli!
What a great way to limit worrying. I grew up being a worrier. I like the idea of limiting worrying to a specific time. We want to worry why not give ourselves permission to do it. The idea is not to over do it.
All in moderation.
That’s the key to life. The more we have control over out emotions the easier it is to steer ourselves toward happiness.
@Karl, I think so as well…thanks!
Great idea to have a time limit to worrying. And sounds like you’ve done a great job parenting, so I wouldn’t spend too much time worrying about things you can’t control. Awful stuff makes the news but it’s really pretty rare.
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@Crabby, Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate your comments!
I just now read this post, Mark. How timely, with all the economic stuff going on right now. I’m going to tweet it on Twitter. Thanks.
Leigh Ann Hubbard
Managing Editor
James Hubbard’s My Family Doctor
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@Leigh Ann, Yes indeed! Thanks for you feedback!
Great post, Mark! I think, as parents, its our job to worry. I know that does make the lessons, here, more difficult.
When I was a kid, even as young as seven years old, I remember going everywhere.. alone.. I remember having no contact, with my mother, all day long. The idea that my child would walk to the grocery store, today, without a cell phone, seriously disturbs me. My children are much older, too. (It also worries me that any of my friends go anywhere without cell phones, too, btw.)
I’ve been trying a re-focus, with a gratitude journal. Just simply listing five, simple things that I’m feeling really good about.. every day.. its my balance approach.
@Heidi, As parents it must be part of our job description to worry. I also remember going all day as a child with no parental contact. Today I have to know where my kids are all day..yikes! What a great idea in the gratitude journal! I like it! Thanks for your input!
Yes being a parent makes me worry 100 times more than I ever did before!
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@Rachel, yes parenting does that!
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